CSI Malaysia

No, the syndicated series is aint coming to Malaysia yet, or not that I am aware of ... its even ticklish just to imagine Jalaluddin Hassan playing Horatio , ya know, just like what he did in Who Wants to Be a Millionaire .. come on dude, its only a game show, not a circumcision surgery!!! chill ...

U see, i had the first chance of my weeny lifetime to savour first hand crime investigation today ... and OMG, its far .... and i mean LIGHT YEARS far from what I expected!! hey what do u expect from Macgyver/A Team generation man (and yes. .. i'm a sucker for anything CSI !!!)

Of course it pays to be grounded, the sky are blue (not yellow), they drive Wira not Hummer and no, nothing is solved in an hour...

Anyway the story goes like this. There this case which I have been assigned to but never really had the opportunity to speak to officers (a.k.a police) due to the raya holidays and people goin on annual leave. So the day came, made an appointment and there was i heading towards the police office ... ahem ... read that right, its an office, not stesen ah. Not bad i thought, up in one of the hills in KL (apparently its Bukit Perdana) with a peek-a-boo view of the KL skyline, now I want to work here to man!

But my alice in wonderful field trip excitement was soon cut short after the first sight of the office ... try imagine getting into a lift after someone had just farted or getting in a lavatory cubicle after someone has just parted his with colon and his yesterday's mistress home-cooked meal! ... not very convincing eh?

Not too convinving too was that the room visibly lacks goorish photos you would normally expect in an IO office :-crime scene, severed pinkies, punctured pussies, twisted limbs and exposed tracheas ... hmm ....alas, after scanning the room for a while, it soon became obvious that this is a Commercial Crime Division ... aaahhh, where the crooks rock the world with pens and papers. Guns and roses next door la ... Sorry alvin, go back to ur CSI.

Then it was the investigating officer's turn...my my, finally I could put my Enid Blyton's skills to work after all these years ... or so I thought. Just like little children, I sat across the IO trying my level best to look deeply in thought and ready to jump into action .... and in a typical TVB-police story manner, he whipped out the file (no, they are no longer in brown paper files now), licked his thumb to flip the pages of emails which we have sent him moons ago. And after what seemed like an eternity for him to read ( i swore i heard him reading it in his heart!!!) ... he looked up and gave me a dazed look ..

IO : errmm.... Mr Alvin, can you expleng it to me again?
AC : (deep in my lower membranes ... explain wat? tot u've just read the whole thing!!!)
IO : you see, i lon ang-derstand how your compaly work ...
AC : ah ... u dont understand ... nevermind, read that emails and attachement again
IO : wah, vely diffikelt la, so many pee-pol... if I ask my boys (wow, now his talking) to bling them in, it will dis-lap ur opelaysheng la ...
AC : hmm... true true ... so what u reckon it should be ...
IO : i orso dunno ... let me check with my boss
AC : i swear i'm gonna ask for my income tax rebates this year ...aint paying anymore buckaroos to you weasels!!!

and so thats how the cookie crumbles for the day ... I left the office feeling disheartened and disillusioned ... I mean, why cant CSI be a bit more realistic? Look what you guys have led me to believe and look what i got!!!

Astro ... I want my money back!!!