Back ....

How do I start... Hmm... again, there's just so many things in my mind. Guess the goold'old me is back. Funny, just about two months ago, I promised myself to turn over new leaf, no more nonsensical and acting according to my whims and fancies. How fast do human forget.

The past weeks have been a bagful-mix of emotions. Sometimes I do wonder how strong I am and yet most of the time I'm pretty hopeless, especially when it comes to relationship; or rather the lack of it. Yea, lack of it is the word.

Succumbing the ideal Utopian of eternal partnership, I tend to hurl myself blindly into a cobweb of disaster, one after another when it doesnt work; or even if it doesnt not work up to speed. Banished to the idea that I could control and chart my own destiny, I'm beginning to succumb to the weights and yoke of not being able fulfill my hearts desire. My mind's easily cooked up and most of the time I could feel myself drifting willingly into oblivion. I feel horrible again, and I'm not talking about swallowing an elephant for dinner but the awful sensation of not knowing what's next, the hopelessness of not being able to determine why am I feeling that way and the sheer emptiness thats cocoons me. Worst still, the depressive aura is all consuming now; not wanting to speak to people easily, shying away from the commonest of routine and dwelling into multiple scenarios that weren't there in the first place. Help ....